The Career Doctor™

by Dr. Jacqueline Hornor Plumez

Looking for a first job? Thinking of changing careers? Facing a lay-off? The Career Doctor™ is a Larchmont psychologist specializing in career counseling. If you'd like to ask a question of your own, use the anonymous form below, and she might answer you here. Read more about the Career Doctor here. Contact information is here.

DO I CHOOSE THE GUY OR THE JOB?
See Letters

Dear Career Doctor:

I have just finished my degree. I have been going with a guy for three years and living with him for the last two and a half. I have gotten very attached to him and have never been happier – we both are. My problem is that I have been offered a job across the country, but my partner has a good job where we live, so I would have to go it alone. Any thoughts on what I should do?

CTG

Dear CTG:

One key to your dilemma might lie in the fact that you have been together for three years, but do not mention love. If you were madly in love with each other, I might advise you to forego the job. But, I think you deserve better than to be with someone you are “very attached” to . So, unless you are extremely understated, I’d say go for the job.

If you are one of those emotionally unexpressive types, whose “very attached” can be translated into “madly in love,” first I'd say, loosen up! Then I’d say you have one of those problems that couples face where compromise is difficult.

Who has a job that is more difficult to replicate? If both jobs would be hard to replace, then you might take your job offer with the understanding that you would have a long-distance relationship while each searches for something near the other. Long-distance relationships have a way of testing whether the relationship (and the partner) is really true. And situations where compromise is difficult, do too.

The Career Doctor

Ask The Career Doctor:
The Career Doctor cannot answer every question here, and she does not respond to personal emails. Please use this form to ask your question.

First Name, Initial:

Question:


 

The Career Doctor™ is Larchmont psychologist and career counselor, Dr. Jacqueline Hornor Plumez.

Her office is at 90 Beechtree Drive in Larchmont, 914-834-1982.