The Career Doctor™
by Dr. Jacqueline Hornor Plumez
Looking for a first job? Thinking of changing careers?
Facing a lay-off? The Career Doctor™ is a Larchmont psychologist
specializing in career counseling. If you'd like to ask a question of
your own, use our anonymous form, and she
might answer you here. Read more about the Career Doctor here.
Contact information is here.
MY HUSBAND IS FURIOUS BECAUSE I QUIT
Dear Career Doctor:
I've worked since I was 15 years old. The positions I've held in my career vary
but all are demanding of my mind time. I recently quit a horrible job as the
travel requirements kept escalating. We have a 4 year old daughter who's been in
daycare from day one. I never thought I would not want to work outside the home
but I've changed my mind as I want to spend more time with my daughter. Here's the
problem I'd like your advice on... My husband is furious with me for quitting
my job. He wants no part of my staying home (even part time) with our daughter.
What do you suggest?
I can certainly understand why you want to stay home for awhile with your
daughter and take a break. However, I also know that many men feel terribly
pressured by being the sole breadwinner - and sometimes terribly jealous because
they would like a break too.
Since marriage is a partnership, some compromise is in order. But before you
begin to think of ways to play "Let's Make a Deal," you have to find out exactly
what your husband wants from you. Why does he want you working?
If he wants to build savings, sit down with him and deduct all the costs of your
working (childcare, commuting) and come up with the net figure he would like you
to replicate. If he needs to know that you could take over if something
happens to his job, see if there is a way that you could keep your skills up
while you take the break you need. If he wants you working so he can risk a job
change, negotiate a sequence - for example, I put my husband through graduate
school and then he supported me while I did the same.
Here is the approach I suggest you take: Each of you think what the other person
wants, and propose a solution that both of you can accept. If you can't reach
a compromise on your own, sit down with an impartial third person - a friend,
an accountant or a counselor - who can help each of you understand what you want
and how to compromise.
The Career Doctor
The Career Doctor™ is Larchmont
psychologist and career counselor, Dr. Jacqueline Hornor Plumez.
Her office is at 90 Beechtree Drive in Larchmont, 914-834-1982.