Keeping Kids Connected & Safe

Speaker Addresses Students & Parents at MHS

by Callie Schweitzer and Kate Kelly

(December 15, 2005) Ty Sells admits he’s more comfortable talking to kids than to parents. On Monday, December 12, the motivational speaker and Youth to Youth International training director started the day in his relative “comfort zone” speaking to Mamaroneck High School’s 1,500 students about the pressures of being a teen. That evening, he spoke about “Creating Connections that Count,” to an audience of about 150 parents.

While Mr. Sells was brought to the school by MHS’ Students Against Drunk Driving club, his advice was not what students expected. They thought they would be getting a one-hour lecture on drug and alcohol statistics they “already know,” but students were pleasantly surprised when Mr. Sells opened his speech by cracking jokes about his appearance and manner. He promised there would be no preaching and he stayed true to his word.

Instead of warning the students about drugs and alcohol, he talked about the stress of being a teenager and welcomed the audience into his own life by sharing stories of his experiences in high school and college. He focused mostly on proactive approaches that students can take to feel more comfortable in their own skin and overcome the need to become “cool.” Mr. Sells used the examples of airbrushed models on magazine covers and plastic surgery at early ages to illustrate the ridiculous extent to which people will go to make themselves feel better about who they are.

Mr. Sells also talked about teen stereotypes and cliques that can ruin a student's high school experience. He told the story of a kid who sat alone at lunch everyday whom everyone in the school walked by and ignored. “It’s the brave person who can reach out to those in need of a friend,” he said. He advised students to provide examples for others and defy what is “cool” by doing the right thing as often as possible. To many, these words rang true.

“It definitely made me re-evaluate the way I treat others,” commented sophomore Caroline Irving. “I think he presented the message, ‘be nice to others’ so effectively that I will take a good look at my own actions toward my classmates and friends.”

Junior Eric Brandley agreed, “He was a very charismatic speaker and held my attention well.”

Mr. Sells’ teaching technique left students laughing when they thought they’d be yawning. “I loved how Mr. Sells used a ‘stand up comedian’ style for his presentation," commented junior Rebecca Futterman. "I was interested in what he was saying, and it had much more of a lasting impression then a lecture would have.”

“He really knew how to connect with kids,” said junior Anna Abelson. “He knew that we've heard this stuff before so he found a new way to present it to us that was much more interesting.”

Following his daytime session with students, Mr. Sells took his message to MHS parents, in an evening program sponsored by RADAR. Confessing that he has always been more comfortable addressing the students, Mr. Sells went on to enlighten parents about what works in connecting with kids, particularly in regard to keeping them off drugs and away from alcohol. He began by talking about what Youth to Youth International, the organization he represents, has learned about drug and alcohol prevention after almost 25 years of working with young people.

“We know scare tactics don’t work. No matter how horrific the stories presented, two weeks later the kids will be back to partying again,” said Mr. Sells. “And we also know that overwhelming any audience—including this one—with facts and figures just makes everyone’s eyes glaze over.”

The Youth to Youth philosophy, he explained, is to encourage adults to build emotional connections with kids so that they feel strong enough to make the right decisions for themselves, no matter what the rest of their group is doing. Part of the Youth to Youth program involves providing enough information about drugs and alcohol so that the kids can separate myth from reality and have enough knowledge to rebut those who urge them to “just try it.”

The power of social pecking order and the “cool” kids was brought home through a participatory exercise Mr. Sells conducted with the audience that demonstrated how the “uncool” and “not cool enough” kids are left out in high school. It served as a good reminder for parents that kids need lots of love and support at home, because for many, the day-to-day social interactions are sometimes quite painful.

“Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to keep your kids safe,” said Mr. Sells. “You need to maintain a connection with your children. Research shows very clearly that adults who model appropriate behavior for their kids make a big impact …the old ‘do as I say, not as I do’ philosophy didn’t work when we were growing up, and it doesn’t work now.”

One of Mr. Sells’ final points was the importance of helping kids focus on goals. “If they have a dream of what they want to become—and someone else believes in their ability to achieve it—this goal makes it easier for them to feel valued and to make good decisions for themselves.”

COMING UP: As part of MHS’ outreach to help students, the school district is conducting a teen survey about alcohol and drug use. The results of the survey will be discussed on March 1, at 7:30 pm. A similar survey conducted in 2002 showed both positive and worrisome trends. (See: Mamaroneck Teen Drinking Way Above Average But On the Way Down: Programs Attacking the Problem.)

Callie Schweitzer is a junior at Mamaroneck High School and a regular contributor to the Larchmont Gazette. Her mother, Kate Kelly, contributed to this story by reporting on Mr. Sells’ program for parents.

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