HAVING RETIREMENT DOLDRUMS?
Dear Career Doctor:
My husband is a recently retired lawyer. He always said
he was looking forward to retiring because there were lots
of things he wanted
to do. He is very intelligent and was very successful,
but all he seems to do is sit around and watch television.
This drives me crazy!
I think he needs to do some volunteer work or take up a
useful hobby, but when I say this he says I am nagging
or criticizing him. Any
suggestions?
Hating His Retirement
Dear HHR:
Perhaps your husband is just savoring his new freedom to be lazy. On the
other hand, his becoming a couch potato may be a symptom of depression.
Many hard-working people look forward to retirement, but feel depressed
when it happens. Some can't cope well without the structure of having
to be somewhere at a certain time. Others mourn the loss of the status
and purpose that came with a job.
Most people need to feel they have a purpose in life and that they are
making a contribution. No one gets that feeling if his or her main activity
is watching TV. There are so many ways your husband could use his
talents, but you are in a difficult position if your helpful suggestions
are met with anger.
Perhaps he would be more receptive if you suggested doing something
together: learn a sport together, take some courses, or get involved in
a volunteer project as a team. Or maybe you can suggest that some of
his friends who have happily retired invite him for lunch and talk to him
about his future.
If these suggestions don't work, several sessions with a marriage
counselor might be helpful to work out some agreements on how retirement
will work for both of you. If he refuses to go along with all of this,
do not feel that you have to stay home while he sits around watching TV.
Take your own advice and develop new, rewarding activities that get you
out of the house. Your husband might learn from your example. Even if
he doesn't, at least you'll be happier doing more interesting things than
watching your husband watch TV.
The Career Doctor
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