How to Handle A "Mixed" Marriage?
Larchmonter Starts Chapter of Interfaith Community

by Emily Cappo

(October 20, 2004) When Ruby and Fred Engel moved to Larchmont six years ago with their then 2-year-old daughter Elizabeth, one of the items on their “to do” list was to find a local support group for interfaith families. “With the large number of interfaith families out there, it never occurred to us that it didn’t already exist,” Ruby Engel said. But after coming up empty-handed, the Engels eventually joined the New York City based Interfaith Community to help meet their spiritual and communal needs.

The Interfaith Community is a members-led association of Jewish-Christian couples and families that acts as a resource for interfaith families. It offers a wide variety of programming ranging from formal discussion groups that help interfaith couples explore the role of religion in their lives to educational programs about both faith traditions to Bible classes for children to family holiday celebrations.

“There’s no clear roadmap for raising children in a dual-faith household,” said Ms. Engel. “For example, do you do a baptism and a Jewish naming ceremony or bris, or do nothing? Is it possible to teach your children about their dual heritage without confusing them? Even if you decide to raise children with only one of the parent’s religion, can you still honor and respect the other parent’s religion and incorporate it into family life?”

Families light candles at Hanukkah.....

... and during Lent.

While the answers to these questions may vary from couple to couple, the opportunity to explore them in a supportive environment with other families facing similar challenges is what the Engels were looking for.

However, the logistics of traveling to Manhattan for all of these events eventually became less than ideal. So last fall, Ms. Engel launched a local Westchester chapter of the Community.

For my husband Jonathan Cappo and me, this was perfect timing.

After moving to Larchmont from Manhattan last year, I contacted the Interfaith Community and was delighted to discover that Ms. Engel, who was spearheading this effort, lived right around the corner. As an interfaith family, we were looking for a way to teach our three children about the history of the two religions and embrace the traditions and spirituality of both; we also wanted our children to meet and socialize with other children from interfaith families. The Interfaith Community provided us with the means of doing so.

Interfaith children learn about crêches....

.... and torahs.

Several other core members of the Westchester chapter are Larchmont residents as well. Many of the chapter’s members are also members of local houses of worship including Larchmont Temple, St. John’s Episcopal Church, Larchmont Avenue Church and St. Augustine’s Roman Catholic Church. It is not unusual for families to attend services at a temple one week and mass at church the next.

For Chris and Beth Belisle of Larchmont, the Westchester Interfaith Community provided a helpful “bridge” between temple and church. The Belisles said, “Our individual, couple and family religious needs are always evolving; feelings change, beliefs change, children grow older and need more to understand their religious heritages: what might have seemed a good path years ago doesn’t work now. We are trying to respect and honor both faiths, without fostering confusion and an eventual feeling of we are all and nothing at the same time. This is not an easy task, and it frequently involves anger, sadness, resentment, as well as compromise and understanding. The Interfaith Community has been a welcoming place, where everyone really understands all of these issues, and they can be talked about with honesty and even humor. Although our religious decisions may not be the next couple’s choice, the community offers such a positive place to help figure it all out.”

Lisa and Justin Samson of Larchmont simply wanted a place for belonging. They explained, "We joined the Interfaith Community in hopes of finding families like ours with common challenges, issues, concerns and blessings. We found what we were looking for.”

To learn more about the Interfaith Community and upcoming events planned for Westchester, visit their website at www.interfaithcommunity.org, call 212-870-2544, or email IFCwestchester@optonline.net.