Instant Messaging at Hommocks: The good, the bad, and the ugly
by Janet Weiss
(October 8, 2003) Whatever parents may think of instant
messaging, it's important for them to be up to speed on this
new form
of communication
because their children are likely to be using it. To get
helpful hints on the topic, about 100 parents gathered at
a Hommocks PTA program on October  8 to hear guest speaker,
Amanda Lenhart, from the Pew Internet and Family Life Project
in Washington, D.C. Parents got additional insight from eight
students in grades six through eight who participated in
a panel facilitated by Dr. Michael Wald, a local psychologist.
The Hommocks students were key to helping the parents understand
the scope of the “digital divide”—the technology
with which their children are so comfortable, and about which
they know very little. IM Facts
Ms. Lenhart was the principal author of a major study published
by the Project in 2001 entitled Teenage Life Online:
The rise of the instant-message generation and the Internet’s
impact on friendships and family relationships. According
to Ms. Lenhart, although the technology of instant messaging
is only seven years old,
74% of teens use it. The average
length of an IM conversation is 30 minutes, and 70% of the
teens interviewed in the study used it several times a week.
Close to 50% used it every time they logged on, and one out
of five teens said it was the primary way that they communicated.
She emphasized a major “talent” of this generation
of teens is their ability to multi-task by using IM, talking
on the telephone, watching TV, and doing homework all at
the same time. Many of the teens felt very efficient by using
all available spare bits of time, essentially in a state
of “continuous partial attention”.
The Good
For the most part, IM is used for relationship reinforcement,
chatting with nearby friends during short conversations.
It can also be used for relationship ending: in the Pew study,
among 12-14 year olds, 13% asked people out, and 17% broke
up with people through IM conversations.
The students on the panel said they were likely to chat
with friends they had just seen at school, or those who may
not be in their classes. Having a brief IM conversation made
more sense to them than using the telephone. Local teens
and those in the study also used IM to chat with friends
from camp or who may have moved, but this was less frequent.
It’s much easier to approach a potential date through
IM, students found. On screen it was easier to camouflage
shyness and eliminate awkward silences. Teens felt they could
be more their “true selves” online, and avoid
being judged by their clothes, socioeconomic status, or appearance.
The Bad and the Ugly
Ms. Lenhart also discussed at length the drawbacks of IM.
Navigating relationships without the benefit of social cues
can be very difficult. It’s hard to gauge the impact
of hurtful words or news, although the panel agreed that
they have learned to “read” what people are feeling
by how and what they are typing. She also found that 22%
of teens shared passwords, which may lead to deception, pranks,
and tricks. The Hommocks students said they
were very careful of both their passwords
and of
tricks
that other teens might use to “impersonate” someone
else.
The distribution of gossip at lightning speed is also a
major issue. Whereas in the past, it may have taken
several hours of phone conversations to spread the news,
with IM, information can be shared among hundreds of people
within
a few minutes.
Principal Dr. Seth Weitzman reported that at
Hommocks and other middle schools, IM is the biggest, newest
problem. The counselors have seen children who have been
emotionally hurt, and many have brought in stacks of paper
to demonstrate the things that their “friends” had
said about them via IM.
So what's a parent to do?
-
Set time limits on your child’s use of IM.
- Do not allow the public posting of personal information of
any kind, since there might be a shred of data that would
allow someone to trace your child.
- Teach your children to protect their privacy.
The internet is like a public “space”, and
caution is important.
- Stay involved. Create an environment of openness
with your children.
- If you find wrongdoing, use it as a teachable moment.
Janet Weiss is Hommocks PTA Vice-President
for Programs. 
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