Dear_Sis@the_end_of_my_day.calm©
Two sisters and their friends, share the joys of Larchmont motherhood through E-mail.

by Val Estabrook

Date: 12/09/03
To: Jackie
From: Val
Subject: The unknowing leading the clueless

Did you hear Mike Nerney lecture @ MHS? Parenting the subject…setting boundaries the goal. Fabulous. Dynamic. Inspiring. Then I drove home. Crushing feeling as reality bit hard. James invited to party this weekend. Don’t know the kid/the parents. Don’t know next step.

Mr. Nerney would know. He’d know when supervised party is really orgy in disguise…when study group is morphing into keg fest…when girls’ sleepover birthday party is begging to be crashed. But what about the rest of us…the unknowing leading the clueless? How do we get in the know?

Amazingly, all has become clear (listen to enough PTA speakers and something’s bound to sink in). Below are questions worked up while waiting in Starbucks’ line.

1. Who qualifies as adult supervision at a teenage party?

(A) The 20 something nanny

(B) The two adorable Czech Republic friends of nanny

(C) The 90 year old Grandma confined to her bed upstairs

(D) The parents @ neighborhood party offering “virtual
supervision” over cell phone

(E) None of the above except for Grandma who’ll do in a pinch

2. When is a study group not a study group?

(A) When 14 teenagers arrive at your home w/heavy backpacks

(B) When 3 teenage girls show up Saturday night to study for next Wednesday’s math test

(C) When 5 teenage boys bring over practice math quizzes to help the 3 teenage girls ace that upcoming math test.

(D) When, on the morning after the study group meeting, you discover two empty six packs responsibly stashed in the recycle bin.

(E) When, after bringing milk and chocolate chip cookies down to the study group, you call the police on your neighbors rotten kid who’s throwing another drunken lawn party and just after giving the address you notice the keg is on your lawn….not your neighbor’s… and it’s your son…not your neighbor’s…‘dancing’ on the Volvo w/that girl and as the sirens grow louder it’s evident that the kids are eating the chocolate chip cookies with their beer and some how you know that that will be the last pleasant memory of the evening.

Holiday parties are upon us. Endless parenting questions…along w/visions of sugar plums…dance in my head.

xoVal

To: Val
From: Jackie
Subject: Do your laundry…save a child

Hi,

Think I failed your test. Can there be more than one right answer?

I saw Nerney lecture on LMC-TV. At one point he said male and female brains respond differently to logic. Duhhhh! Evidently males, 14 to 17, respond best to a clear, unequivocal message. Got to remember that. Girls, apparently at any age, want to explore all their options. Having two daughters, I must be very clever in the option arena. Basically, life runs smoother if I just don’t ask questions or offer options.

For example, last weekend Tina had several friends (boys & girls) over for a party…just DVD, potato chips, whatever. The kids like to hang out in the basement rec room. Though unspoken, it is understood in our family that teenage party time is Mom’s laundry time. As the teenagers cuddle up I load up the washer w/towels. I walk up and down the basement stairs about every 45 minutes to empty the dryer…to separate lights from darks…to select water levels and set dryer temperatures.

Kids must be hip to my thinly disguised adult supervision. Like to keep them a little off guard…never know when fabric softener needs to be added to the wash cycle. Kids don’t seem upset. They return each week. Maybe they feel safe… whatever…my family has never enjoyed so many clean towels.

Bye for now, Jackie

Val and Kim illustrations by Larchmont artist Sue Girardi.
" Barbara" from: www.acn.net.au/ebusiness/ manual/chapter6.htm

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