Dear_Sis@the_end_of_my_day.calm©
Two sisters and their friends, share the joys of Larchmont motherhood through E-mail.

by Val Estabrook

Date: 10/17/03
To: Kim
From: Val
Subject: Parents Weekend Gone Mad

Just called Kyle on cell re: Parents Weekend. My son, your beloved nephew, asked me to bring Jenny/girlfriend along on trip. Nearly drove into Julia B. Fee’s front window. Mother/son chat went south from there…perfect material for parenting book I’m writing: What Not to Say, Do or Think.

Here’s recap of conversation. Help me salvage situation?

Me: Hi, Kyle. It’s Mom. Can’t wait to see you!
Kyle: Yeah. (indecipherable mumble)
Me: Your school’s set up lots of events for Parents’ Weekend. Friday’s events begin at one….
Kyle: I’m in class till six.
Me: OK. Want to come back to our hotel for dinner and…
Kyle: Yeah, but could you get me back to campus right after? There’s a party…(more indecipherable mumble)
Me: …..ah……sure, it’s not a long drive from the…..
Kyle: Mom, that reminds me, can you and Dad drive Jenny up with you from Larchmont for Parents Weekend?

That’s when I faked a cell phone disconnect.

Breathing into paper bag. Speed dialing Kyle back soon. Advice? Quick!

Xxxxxxooooooooo Val

To: Val
From: Kim
Subject: Hormones are our friends

Constant presence of girlfriend makes Kyle happy boy. Kyle happy…everbody happy. Clear your mind. Control emotions. Focus on positives. Kyle’s last comment was a complete sentence. That’s something.

Parents’ Weekend will offer family time for you and alone time for Kyle/Jenny. Promise. Hey…baby boy is 18. Old enough for Selective Service….old enough to set his own schedule. You’ll be in his world. A new, mostly unknown world…but his, all the same. In other words, dear sister…Kyle will not want to hang out with you all that much.

Suggest this cell phone reconnect:

Kyle: Mom?
You: Kyle? Yes it's Mom. Sorry....darn, crazy phone. Where were we?
Kyle: Jenny.
You: Right. Love to try and make this happen. We’ll pick up Jenny early Friday morning. Events start at…no, no...I know you're in class till six so Jen will travel with us to all the parent seminars till you're free. OK?
Kyle: Cool.
You: But listen, love, this weekend is a time designed for us to spend a bit of time with you. I know you'll respect that...and it would be great to include Jenny in the fun.
Kyle: You’re the best mom in the world!

Wow. That went well. Wonder how it will fly in real world?

Xo Kim

To: Kim
From: Val
Subject: OOOPS!

Called Kyle back before reading your email. Wish Kyle had said I was best…but...he did not. I did clear my mind. Did initiate yoga breathing. Did dial back Kyle’s dorm room.

Ready for real conversation? Proceed at own risk:

Real Me: Kyle…sorry my cell started roaming. I’m back. Got to
Tell you I’ve got real problems with bringing Jenny.
Kyle: Why?
Real Me: It's my weekend...not Jenny’s.
Kyle: Mom?
Real Me: The operative word in Parents' Weekend is PARENT. It’s not titled “Girlfriend’s Weekend” for good reason.
Kyle: I don’t know what I’m doing here.
Real Me: Don’t change the subject.
Kyle: I want be with my friends. I want to go home for the weekend. Bill and Nick go home all the time.
Real Me: And if Bill and Nick jump…
Kyle: What? Can’t hear you, Mom. Cell’s breaking up. You’re
losing me…

How true.

Didn’t catch Kyle’s last response. Only heard his angry f-the-world tone,
his words drowned out by my retorts/screaming. He’s not answering
phone/email. Must be thinking how to make it all up to me.
Or…transferring to city school where he can take Metro to Jenny?
Hmmmm. Guessing Kyle just doesn't want to talk w/me right now. Can't
blame him.
xxxoooooo How true.

Didn’t catch Kyle’s last response. Only heard his angry f-the-world tone,
his words drowned out by my retorts/screaming. He’s not answering
phone/email. Must be thinking how to make it all up to me.
Or…transferring to city school where he can take Metro to Jenny?
Hmmmm. Guessing Kyle just doesn't want to talk w/me right now. Can't
blame him.
xxxoooooo Val

Whew. Can tell you now, life got much, much better next day. There’s a way back from abyss…be a better listener. Also helps to have brilliant sister. Read next DEAR SIS for rest of story. Lots of us attending Parents Weekend this month or next. Please share your words of wisdom. Email me on the form below!
xo Val

Val and Kim illustrations by Larchmont artist Sue Girardi.
" Barbara" from: www.acn.net.au/ebusiness/ manual/chapter6.htm

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