Suzie ON CELL
Hi. No…it’s Suzie. Tina,
your Mom can’t speak w/you right now. She’s
driving. May I relate a message to her? You’re
going to drive a friend…Amanda… to
the Westchester…leaving in 15 minutes?
Your
Mom’s a bit surprised. Wasn’t it just
this morning…say again? You’re feeling
so much better…really…
Your mother is delighted to hear
that contrary to all earlier indications…you
do not have SARS…yes…but she asks you to think about how poorly
you were getting on this morning…
Hmmmm. Shopping with a friend always
picks you up some how? Oh…I know what you
mean. Sweetie, listen…your Mom is really
concerned about your health.
And what? You thank her for her concern
but shopping time at Sephora’s has been proven
to act as an anti-oxidant? And besides it’d
be therapeutic to carry your Benedryl in a cool
Sephora’s black, shopping bag? Tina…darling…let
me give you a heads up. It ain’t gonna fly.
Yeah…OK…me too. Bye. Mom sends her
love. What? She’ll be happy to heat up some
of the soup.
Bye, bye.
No. It’s my cell phone this time…Kyle’s
calling. Pull over.
I need you to take this call.
|
Jackie DRIVING
Soooo…I’m relieved
to see ‘Three
Bean Chile ‘
back at Trader Joe’s. (RING…RING) Suzie,
grab my phone, will you? Tina’s home sick…she
may be calling.
It’s Tina? Surprised she
has the strength to call. Let me guess…she’s
recovered…miracle on Maple Hill.
What? No way! If she’s too
sick to go to AP History…she’s too
sick to go to the mall. Give me a break. I knew
it. I just knew this would happen. Just who does…tell
her…no...just give me the phone, Suzie.
Feeling better? Just an hour ago
she was too weak to pick up a bit of the bottomless
garbage pit she sleeps in night. Too ill to eat
homemade chicken soup…well….homemade
at Meateria chicken soup…but feeling just
fine to consume mall rot. You’d think this
wouldn’t affect me anymore…soon she’ll
be off to college…this should be a special
time…a happy time…but no.. it just
can’t be cause I just can’t be cool
and I just can’t say “Fine, go ahead
and glide through the last six weeks at MHS……………
give me the phone.
GIVE THE PHONE TO ME! NOW. I will
happily pay the $105 “Talking
on Cell Phone While Driving” traffic
ticket. I’m fine…really. Fine.
JUST GIVE THE PHONE TO ME. NOW.
WOW……
It’s over. The ranting and raving is over. I’ve vented every mother’s
gripe…every parent’s justified angst. I’ve climbed that mountain
and jumped right off. It feels so good. Best of all…Tina didn’t hear
a word of it. I voiced my true feelings…completely ignoring any opportunity
for active listening. I raised my voice…yes…I even screamed. It felt
so freeing…a cleansing really. Now that it’s over, Tina doesn’t
hate me because she’s heard none of it. She won’t place this conversation
as a footnote to her auto-biography “My Year’s in Hell…or…My
Mother/My Madness.”
You know….we could make an
excellent negotiating team in the Middle East.
Our good cop, bad cop rountine might work just…
Oh no…is that my cell phone ringing again? |
