Dear_Sis@the_end_of_my_day.calm©
Two sisters and their friends, share the joys of Larchmont motherhood through E-mail.

by Val Estabrook

Date: 10-24-02
Send To: Kim
From : Val
Subject: What were your math & verbal scores?

In homage to PSAT, SAT, ACT, NMSQT, SAT II, AP, MHS, and…uh…UPS, have begun to deal with day to day teenage crisis in methodical, calm, rather analytical way. Example? Kyle came home late Saturday night from Cove. As I weighed night’s events…balanced + and -…outlined consequences … considered co-dependency vs. murder, I became very confused. Decided to distance self. View it all cleanly. Mathematically.

No. 2 pencil ready? You have all nite to answer this one:

Your teenager calls just 2 minutes before he's due home. If your answering machine insists...after one ring...that you aren’t home for your child (but of course you are home, showering), and your son then lays down a 32 word message offering only these 4 intelligible words: "I'm staying out later" as you scream 11 expletives at the bloody phone and drip across 27 kitchen tiles ... may your teenager stay out after curfew without being grounded for 45 years?

(A) Not in this lifetime
(B) When hell freezes over
(C) A + B
(D) 32 unintelligible words/ 4 intelligible words= 8 yrs. grounded

Now for a few analogies. Select the words best expressing a relationship similar to original pair of words. You have 2nd half of Sophomore year and all of Junior year to answer.

CURFEW : STONE ::
(A) Excedrin : bottle
(B) footprint : behind
(C) 10 commandments : tablets
(D) contract : blood

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS : PRESSURE ::
(A) mother : nagging
(B) short answers : writer’s cramp
(C) deadline : napping son
(D) allergy : nose passages

NAVEL : PIERCING ::
(A) social life : over
(B) wall : fist
(C) balloon : needle
(D) convent : daughter

DANCING : TEENAGER ::
(A) sex : any parent
(B) absent : clothing
(C) depression : ecstasy
(D) option : chastity belt

HOMECOMEING : ALCHOHOL
(A) home : alcohol
(B) teenager : child
(C) parent : friend
(D) six : half dozen

And finally, explore verbal reasoning skills on last 2 questions. Choose set of words that best fit the sentence.

While we think __________ means that sad time of year when the boat trailer is tied onto the van late one day and driven to Horseshoe Harbor, _________ think(s) of it as a happy way to spend an afternoon.

(A) October…Danny Boy, our dog,
(B) hooking-up…teenagers
(C) the Fall…children 7 years and under
(D) pre-menopause…only God

While Mom sends her best wishes with the ________ sent to school this morning, her child is pleased knowing it is _________ that will keep him going through the long afternoon.

(A) lunch bag…the salami sandwich
(B) wrapping paper order…modified sports
(C) middle school student…glue
(D) light of her life…love

Each correct answer is worth one Bradley’s cappuccino. A perfect score gets you a free ride to Stamford. Score Choice is no longer an option. I tell all.

XXOO Val

Illustration by Larchmont artist Sue Girardi

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