Dear_Sis@the_end_of_my_day.calm©

In this column, two sisters, along with friends, share the joys of Larchmont motherhood through E-mail.

by Val Estabrook

Send To: Kim
Subject: ‘Eng’

Got to tell you bout this morning’s conversation before losing more brain cells and forgetting everything by the time I see you. NEWS FLASH…we’re a bilingual family. We speak English to the outside world and ‘Eng’ within our abode. For example…yesterday AM begins without words. Spoon, bowl, glass of OJ and incomplete homework neatly laid out w/sharpened pencil and half a napkin (I’ve taken to ripping paper napkins in half…they go further and the kids don’t use them anyway.) Here is our conversation, word for word, complete w/ (translation):

James,” I sing out, “healthy!”
(“James, you’ve eaten sugar cereals for three days running. Pick out something healthy to eat.”)

“Pop Tart,” he responds dangling the toaster by its electric cord.
(“Pop Tarts offer both vitamin rich fruit and high fiber bread, Mom.”)

“Blueberry?” I offer.
(“While I’ll accept fruit and toast in the guise of a pop tart, we must draw the line at the strawberry tart with frosting!”)

“Mom”
(“I cannot possibly eat the blueberry Pop Tart.”)

“Champions?”
(“I must hold firm, my darling. I am however comfortable with Wheaties as an alternative.”)

“Fine. Ed, Mom.”
(“I can see your point, Mother. And while I pour my fortified breakfast, please turn on the television and I’ll flip to the Ed, Ed & Eddy show.”)

“Math”
(“Sweetie, you love that show don’t you? Perhaps you’ve forgotten your promise, made just last night, to complete those last two math problems this AM?”)

“Friday” James says through Wheaties and skim milk.
(“Perhaps I misspoke. True, I did not complete the assignment. However it is not due for three more days.”)

“New one!” I shout.
(“In that case, I’ll be happy to turn on the three Eddie’s show. I too love this production. Look! It’s a new episode.”)

“Face! Hair! Teeth!”
(“But let’s keep ourselves moving, shall we? During this commercial break, James, run up and clean that handsome face.”)

“MOM!”
(“Mama, I washed my face yesterday. However, while this is not my priority as a thirteen-year-old adolescent, I respect your interest in my health and well-being. I’m off!”)

“He rises.” I toast Kyle with my gallon coffee mug.
(“Good morning, Kyle. Your wide-eyed, cheerful attitude is so different from the typical 17 year olds I’ve been reading about. How about some cereal and juice?”)

“Time, Ma.”
(“And good morning to you, Mamacita. Thank you for the kind offer, but we are running late. May I please have the car keys? I’ll be sure to eat a well balanced breakfast at the MHS cafeteria before classes…want to be at my best!”)

“Casual day?” I’m stunned to see Joe ready to pour coffee directly from the French press into his mouth.
(“And here’s your father, looking very sexy in his red w/ black Scotty puppies print flannel night shirt.”)

“Gmhmphlnsss…” he gurgles.
(“You’re so funny, darling. A delight! Actually I’m catching a later train, but first I must have a cup of your delicious Java.”)

“MOM!!!!!!!!”
(“Mater et Pater! We’ll be late for school if we don’t leave immediately. We realize that meaningful time for just the two of you is elusive at best, but just know that we truly appreciate your sacrifices and we will do our best to make you proud today.”)

XXOO, Val

PS: Want to meet @ Sherwood’s later? Feel like checkers.

Look for my sister Kim's response in future Dear_Sis columns. Share your experiences with me by e-mailing val@larchmontgazette.com. XO, Val

Illustration by Larchmont artist Sue Girardi

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